Read This If You Have To Get Over It
Tough things are tough.
There are things in our control and out of our control.
Sometimes distinguishing these helps us handle tough things. Sometimes it doesn't and tough things are just tough anyway.
Here are the 3 stages of handling tough things.
Awareness
Being aware that there is a problem is part of it. Being aware of the entirety of the problem is the rest of it. What are the consequences? What is the full breadth of the problem? Once you see the whole thing, we can move forward.
Acceptance
This might be the most psychologically difficult one. For the most difficult problems, not accepting that this is now part of your story and part of your life could seriously hinder your ability to recover.
At this point, there's no choice involved. You're either going to say "yes, this happened and it's now part of me" or you can try another workaround.
Action
Only after you are aware of the full problem and you accept that it is part of your journey, can you fully take whole-hearted action.
And that's exactly what you need to do. This is where you can assess if you can repair, mitigate, or bounce back. You might only be able to do one of those.
2 Minute Action:
The first, smallest step might not be the repair, mitigation or resilience. The first, smallest step might be compiling all of your resources.
If you're still in shock, you may want to talk through what happened with a trusted advisor until you can think straight again.
If you're overwhelmed and don't know what to do next, you might start googling "what to do when x happens." This might not give you the answer, but it might help you reboot your creative juices again.
If you know what to do, you might call an accountabilibuddy to keep you on track and accountable to your solution.
All of these things can happen in 2 minutes.
You know, marathons start with just a few steps (and all that).
It's cheesy but it's true. I believe in you.
The 3 Critical Stages To Conquer Any Upsetting Change
Here is the fastest route available to dealing with difficult change:
1 - Awareness
This is the stage where you realize the reality of what's happening around you. This is where you understand the impact and consequences that change has brought.
2 - Acceptance
This is when you realize that what's real is real and thinking about it or wishing it wasn't true doesn't actually improve anything. You can't go back in time and this is the turning point when you adapt to reality and become ready to move on.
3 - Action
This is the stage where you are back in motion. You are moving with the waves and toward a new destination or vision. Even if you don't have a vision yet, you know you have to start somewhere and this is you in motion.It's these critical 3 steps that you must move through unpredictable or difficult change.That's it.Now that you know, it's up to you to figure out how to move faster through them.How to do that?Identify the phase in which you take the longest amount of time, and start there.
2 Minute Action
For me, it's the second step that takes the longest. I, like many others, tend to ruminate on what could be, what I could have done, or what I should have done. Reflecting and analyzing is helpful, but ruminating and dwelling is non-productive and time-consuming.What's your weak point out of these three?Reply, forward, comment, and let me know!The more we share these weaknesses, the better able we are to address and strengthen them.
Understand These 3 Concepts And Move On From Anything
Sometimes you just take a beating.
It’s not always because of anything you can control—it’s just part of operating in a world with other sentient beings and physical forces.
Pretending it didn’t hurt or avoiding the process of understanding where the pain comes from just makes it worse later on.
What’s difficult is spending your whole life converting the operations around you into processes you can control, being successful at it, and then facing something painful and uncontrollable.
Learning to let things go and move on is just one of those things that takes a lifetime to which to adjust.
Sure there are some skills we can master while we’re here, but there’s really no end point.
The only "point of arrival" is the end of life, really.
- You can get in shape, but you can’t ever finish eating healthily.
- You can work nights to pay for college, but you can’t ever spend enough on your kid’s education.
- You can become a race car driver, but you can still get rear-ended at a stop sign.
The goal then, shouldn’t just be to take control of everything, but to understand what we can and can’t achieve—and then spend our resources moving toward those achievable goals.
In the meantime, while we’re moving, it’s good to remember that we sometimes take a beating regardless of how reasonable the goal is.
In fact, we might get beat up just sitting at home where we thought it was safe.
So, it’s not useful to drop out when it hurts. Pain just doesn’t have a good enough correlation with circumstance to be the only factor in our decision.
It also helps, while we’re moving, to remember that adjusting to pain isn’t like flipping a light switch. It takes time and the amount of time it takes varies based on circumstance, personal experience, and predisposition.
Some lessons to take away from this:
- Pain feels like an indication that we should change direction or hide but that’s not always the case.
- Staying at home or avoiding risk can still lead to pain, so you might as well work hard to achieve what you want.
- Being at peace with an imperfect world doesn’t mean you are eternally and outwardly happy, it just means you accept the often unfair pains of life.
2 Minute Action
Reach out to someone who is in pain and let them know you’re on their team.
Take a risk (it can be a small one) that you have been considering or avoiding.
Execute a small and possibly random act of kindness.
I promise you don’t need more than 2 minutes to do any of these.
That part is all in your head.
Today is up to you and you can completely transform your outlook and chances of success in 2 minutes or less.