Being Assertive vs. Aggresive

Tell me if you’ve ever seen this . . .

There’s a weird line between aggression and assertiveness that some folks have difficulty negotiating.People who conflate the two tend to be either way less assertive or way more aggressive.Either end of the spectrum has this confusion or is conflating.

Let’s use an example.

When a client asks you to make more edits on your project:The Non-Assertive: “Yes.”The Assertive: “Yes, I can do that extra work for $xx.xx”The Aggressive: “No, and don’t reach out to me again.”The Passive-Aggressive: “I don’t have to do this on other projects.”

Where do you fall?

If you’re not sure, it may help yo use this reference guide from the Assertiveness Handbook.The Assertive style defends your rights without overstepping others’.This successfully helps you treat people with respect while also treating yourself with respect.

2 Minute Action

Here are 2 ways you can spend 2 minutes improving:Read the Handbook for 2 minutes.Reply or comment here to let me know where you think you are in the battle.

The Most Helpful Thing You Can Do For Someone

The best thing you can do for someone you work with, your partner, your client, your pastor, or your Uber driver isn't what you think.It's about providing honest, useful feedback.It needs to come from a place of collaboration.

When you respond with collaboration in mind, it's easier to use the right words and tone.

That all comes after the feeling.It's changing the feeling that's hard.It's easy to respond in anger or frustration.It's not the first thing that comes to mind, but it can be blunt.It's not aggressive but it is assertive.

It's up to you to be helpful to the people around you.

It's up to you to train those around you--because no one else is going to do it.If you're not being honest, respectful, and helpful . . . you're not helping.

2 Minute Action

Think about someone you're spending time with, at work, at home, who recently asked for your opinion about something.First person that comes to mind, we're going for speed.What did you tell them?What could you add, right now, in a text or an email, that would reinforce the tone of collaboration?Here's a quick sample you can steal and use, today:"Hey, was just thinking about you. In fact, I was thinking about the whole conversation we had. Having a bit more time to think, here's what's on my mind:  . . . . . .  Anyway, hope this helps. In the meantime, I'm really glad we're on the same team. Talk soon."