Why Do You Take Things So Personally?

There's this sudden impulse when someone criticises you.It can happen without criticism, too.In fact, it can happen even when you're not even involved.

The sound of it goes something like this:

• "Who does she think she is? She's not better than me."
• "I work harder than he does, I don't know why he's getting so much credit."
• "I'm offended because you didn't treat me how I expected to be treated."

That, my friends, is the sound of someone taking something personally.

The fact is that this is totally optional.

Once you realize that not everyone is constantly thinking about YOU, it gets easier to let this go.This little trick is called empathy.It means thinking about something, even just for a second, from someone else's point of view.If you can empathize, even just a little bit, you can start letting go of what seems like a personal attack and hear what the other person is saying.Maybe it sounds cheesy, but empathy is such a critical skill for building healthy, long-term relationships (platonic, romantic, professional, ad infinitum).You might be "successful" without it--but that's your choice.

2 Minute Action

Dig deep: when was a time you felt attacked in the last few days?Was it a direct stab?Could this person be going through something you don't know about?Could this person lack the social skills to know you were offended?Could this person have meant it in a genuine and kind way?Could this whole thing have been, maybe, just a little bit, in your head?It's not always 100% one way or the other.But either way, deciding how you respond (not knee-jerk-react) is up to you.

The Unintuitive Thing That Hurts But Makes You Stronger

When was the last time you heard someone criticize your work?When was the last time you heard criticism and didn't get defensive?When was the last time you listened to someone's feedback and considered that you had room for improvement?Forging ahead without listening is called being stubborn.Forging ahead while taking in and testing feedback is called growth.

2 Minute Action

Every couple of years, I send out a survey to my friends, family and co-workers.In it, I ask for them to anonymously tell me what they think my 3 greatest strengths and 3 greatest weaknesses are.Most of them take the 5 minutes to fill it out, and over time, I've collected a good amount of data.I'm not saying you need to create a survey, I'm just saying this format helps for me.I AM saying, it will only take you 2 minutes to ask a mentor or a friend or a boss "Hey, I'm getting serious about my development and I'd like to know: What do you think my strengths and weaknesses are?"If you're serious about improvement, you'll set aside the defensiveness and practice being open to criticism.

Soft Skills

We're supposed to care about soft-skills.

You know, like emotional intelligence & "people skills."But that's just scratching the surface.

Here are some better examples:

• It's important to separate yourself from your work so you can accept the criticism that will help you become the best version of yourself.
• It's important to NOT beat yourself up when you make a mistake because it shuts down your motivational inertia.
• It's important to stand up for what you believe in, since rolling over leads to a lifetime of fear and depression.

We aren't doing a good job of measuring these things, nor do we actually value them (for some reason). If we did, we'd be teaching these things in school.Think about it. Instead of learning how to regulate our emotions, take criticism, or balance a checking account, we spent entire semesters learning all of these important things:

• The Pinta, The Niña, and the Santa Maria.
• Neptune is mostly made of gas.
• A Hypotenuse is the longest side of a triangle.

Here's the kicker:

You're now faced with a choice. You can change what you value and start focusing on what really matters for having a happy, healthy, productive life, or you can continue focusing on distractions.

2 Minute Action:

My favorite action: write a list.Lists are great data structures. They're simple, small, and easy to read. They also help store small, important bits of information. Even if you're not storing it forever, it's helpful to get all of these list items out of your brain and into a list you can acknowledge.What are some of the things that you're doing in your life or work that have you saying what you used to say in school: "When am I actually going to use this?"Pick 3. Identifying these things is just the start. What do you think you should do about them?