Read This If You Have To Get Over It
Tough things are tough.
There are things in our control and out of our control.
Sometimes distinguishing these helps us handle tough things. Sometimes it doesn't and tough things are just tough anyway.
Here are the 3 stages of handling tough things.
Awareness
Being aware that there is a problem is part of it. Being aware of the entirety of the problem is the rest of it. What are the consequences? What is the full breadth of the problem? Once you see the whole thing, we can move forward.
Acceptance
This might be the most psychologically difficult one. For the most difficult problems, not accepting that this is now part of your story and part of your life could seriously hinder your ability to recover.
At this point, there's no choice involved. You're either going to say "yes, this happened and it's now part of me" or you can try another workaround.
Action
Only after you are aware of the full problem and you accept that it is part of your journey, can you fully take whole-hearted action.
And that's exactly what you need to do. This is where you can assess if you can repair, mitigate, or bounce back. You might only be able to do one of those.
2 Minute Action:
The first, smallest step might not be the repair, mitigation or resilience. The first, smallest step might be compiling all of your resources.
If you're still in shock, you may want to talk through what happened with a trusted advisor until you can think straight again.
If you're overwhelmed and don't know what to do next, you might start googling "what to do when x happens." This might not give you the answer, but it might help you reboot your creative juices again.
If you know what to do, you might call an accountabilibuddy to keep you on track and accountable to your solution.
All of these things can happen in 2 minutes.
You know, marathons start with just a few steps (and all that).
It's cheesy but it's true. I believe in you.
1 Sentence To Get Past Any Difficult Conversation With Honesty
You feel it but you don't want to say it.You might hurt them.You might say the wrong thing.
No matter what words you pick or what tone you use, whatever comes out of your mouth is going to be interpreted by the lens of the receiver.
You're allowed to try to get it right, but you're not allowed to belabor over the delivery.
Here's one easy sentence you can steal to precede difficult conversations:
"I care about you so much, I have to tell you this. I don't know if I'm using the right words so stick with me, I just have to make sure I am being totally honest with you because I respect you and you deserve no B.S."You can steal this and retool it for your own use, since many flavors of this work.
2 Minute Action
Pick someone in your life who needs a dosage of honesty.
- Your supervisor.
- Your direct report.
- A long-time friend.
- A salesperson you just met 2 seconds ago on the phone.
You can be honest and respectful at the same time. It's your responsibility to make sure you're both if you want to improve this planet.As always, it starts with you and it starts right now.
How Simple It Is To Use Neuroplasticity To Your Advantage
Remember the last time you vented?Remember the peak of frustration and energy?Maybe it was low energy and sad.Maybe you were just getting all your feelings out.
Let’s be clear about something:
Your brain is constantly making little electro-chemical connections among its cells. All day, it’s trying to get better at making those connections.Thought patterns are reflected in the brain this way—meaning that the more you complain, ruminate, or regret, the better you will be at it.Quick example:When you sit down to play piano the first time, you stink.Your cells haven’t made this circuit before.But when you do it over and over, it starts to become natural.You are literally doing something you couldn’t do before!
This is the power of neuroplasticity.
It’s a superpower.You are constantly getting better at whatever you’re doing right nowWatching TV, complaining, rehearsing, winning fake arguments in the shower, whatever!It’s up to you to control your output and habits.It’s up to you to regulate your emotions and audit your thoughts.And let’s be clear: there is a 0% return-on-investment for complaining and ruminating.You are the brain owner!Your brain and it’s mechanics are YOUR responsibility!
2 Minute Action:
When was the last time you reacted negatively to something?What would Gandhi say about that?What would the Pope or Rumi say?How else might you reframe this?Difficult people can be a growth opportunity.Difficult projects can be a learning opportunity.You have no control over the environment or what happens. You’re allowed to feel how you feel.You do have control over what you do next. You’re not allowed to act out or hurt others because of how you feel.Take 2 minutes to look again at the last time you complained about something. What can you get from this experience?If it was a crummy experience, you owe it to yourself to pull something positive out of it.