Most People Do This And It’s Killing Them
I should have invested earlier.I should be further along on this project than I am.I should known an emergency might happen.
Have you heard yourself talk like this before?
It’s known as “shoulding all over yourself.”Unless there is a lesson you can learn and apply to the future, this kind of thinking is useless.In fact, it’s counter productive.It pulls your valuable attention away from the reality of where you are right now (and what you CAN do) and puts it on what you cannot change.There is a 0% ROI on ruminating.
It’s normal to have this thought pattern, so it’s okay.
It’s your job to catch this and make the adjustment, regulate, and choose to put your attention somewhere more useful.It’s not a light switch. Be patient. It’s one of those things that just takes a lifetime to master.Hang in there.Do your best with what you have, where you are.
2 Minute Action
Name 3 things you haven’t let go of or things you haven’t forgiven yourself for.You can also just name some things that are on your “worry list” that don’t really need to be because there’s not much you can control about them.Pick one and take 2 minutes to focus only on that and let yourself off the hook.Feels kinda good to be nice to yourself, right?This will come up again later, so be patient with yourself as you build this habit.
How Simple It Is To Use Neuroplasticity To Your Advantage
Remember the last time you vented?Remember the peak of frustration and energy?Maybe it was low energy and sad.Maybe you were just getting all your feelings out.
Let’s be clear about something:
Your brain is constantly making little electro-chemical connections among its cells. All day, it’s trying to get better at making those connections.Thought patterns are reflected in the brain this way—meaning that the more you complain, ruminate, or regret, the better you will be at it.Quick example:When you sit down to play piano the first time, you stink.Your cells haven’t made this circuit before.But when you do it over and over, it starts to become natural.You are literally doing something you couldn’t do before!
This is the power of neuroplasticity.
It’s a superpower.You are constantly getting better at whatever you’re doing right nowWatching TV, complaining, rehearsing, winning fake arguments in the shower, whatever!It’s up to you to control your output and habits.It’s up to you to regulate your emotions and audit your thoughts.And let’s be clear: there is a 0% return-on-investment for complaining and ruminating.You are the brain owner!Your brain and it’s mechanics are YOUR responsibility!
2 Minute Action:
When was the last time you reacted negatively to something?What would Gandhi say about that?What would the Pope or Rumi say?How else might you reframe this?Difficult people can be a growth opportunity.Difficult projects can be a learning opportunity.You have no control over the environment or what happens. You’re allowed to feel how you feel.You do have control over what you do next. You’re not allowed to act out or hurt others because of how you feel.Take 2 minutes to look again at the last time you complained about something. What can you get from this experience?If it was a crummy experience, you owe it to yourself to pull something positive out of it.
Can You Guess Which Of These Are In Your Control?
I didn't know there were so many advantages for a first time home-buyer.I didn't know that if I had started investing at age 18, I would have 10 times as much saved as I do now.I didn't know that I could have just asked for a raise.I didn't know that there were so many grants available for my project.I didn't know that the market wouldn't want to buy my product.I didn't know that my kids were being bullied at school.I didn't know that my employees were unhappy.I didn't know that primary elections were so important.I didn't know that my health was my choice.I didn't know that too much red meat can cause heart disease.I didn't know that I could forgive myself.I didn't know that I would be put in that situation.
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Regardless of what you know and don't know, the outcome is usually your fault.It's painful to hear, but there's no other way to look at it.Think about it this way:If you deflect ownership, you choose to live your life under someone else's control.If you choose to own each element, you are at fault more, but you give yourself the power to improve.So, until the education system improves (really, until we improve the system,) your education is your responsibility.Not everything is in your control, but your reaction to circumstance absolutely is.Ownership of the outcome, regardless of adversity, is paramount.
2 Minute Action
What's something you've been dwelling on? Ruminating on? Sulking about?What might happen if you gave yourself permission to let it go?What might happen if you gave yourself permission to think about the future?What might happen if you gave yourself permission to feel the sadness of failure and also the optimism of the future?What might happen if you did this all the time?Your productive output will not change until your patterns of thought change.