The Untaught Skill That Manifests Respect and Success
It’s one of the most critical skills to help you advance in any domain and they don’t teach it in school.It’s not Math, English, or Science.It’s not even Social Studies, Chem, or Business.It’s the skill that will help you negotiate with a boss.It’s the skill that will help you turn an angry customer into your biggest fan.It’s the skill that will help you regain control of your life when something awful happens.
It’s called Emotional Intelligence and it’s tricky.
EI is about reading others’ emotions, regulating your own emotions, and influencing the emotions of others.Since emotions are tied into the way we decide (it’s a deep rooted connection that requires some neuro-mumbo jumbo to explain), having high EI can make a huge difference.There are plenty of people with low EI but who are very “successful.” But understand that this is about being both successful and respected by others.You get to choose the kind of life you want to live.You can choose whatever you want.
2 Minute Action
Before you argue with someone today, start with understanding.Start each response with “I understand how you see it that way, and I appreciate you exposing that to me,” instead of “well lemme tell you what I was thinking about while you were talking.”Listen to understand.Don’t “listen to win.”
The System That's Slowly And Quietly Destroying Us
It's costing money.It's costing time.It's costing headache and pain and frustration.The trouble is that it's the system we've used for so long.The trouble is that it does what it was designed to do, but we don't need it to do that anymore.The trouble is that it still works for some people.
Can you guess what I'm talking about?
It's the public education system.For some, the public school system is effective at doing exactly what it was designed to do.
It creates workers who know how to follow instructions, sit at a desk for 8 hours a day, and stay in their lanes.
The problem is that it's not creating workers for the jobs that don't exist yet.The problem is that right now, we're all spending lots of money UN-teaching new graduates so they can learn what matters in TODAY's workplace.It's rare that an employer needs their team to know Pythagorean theorem or that Neptune is a gas planet.It's more important that they learn how to lift others up, keep a positive attitude in the face of adversity, and how to create new solutions to problems that pop up on the job.I don't need you to know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell--I need you to know the consequences of not correcting global warming.I don't need you to know the date of the battle of Waterloo--I need you to know how to handle difficult personalities.I don't need you to know the names of the states and capitals--I need you to know how to use a spreadsheet to solve an inventory problem.It's not about the formula or memorization anymore.We've got technology for that.It's about solving human problems.
2 Minute Action
What's the skill or human problem that's causing 80% of your pain right now?How will you fix it?Some options include:
- Hiring a consultant/specialist who works with people/companies like you.
- Hiring a therapist to get through the personal or socio-emotional hurdles we all have.
- Building/anchoring a practice or habit into your daily routine.
The punchline is that school has failed many of us.It's up to you to identify and solve.Your clock is ticking so I suggest you make this priority and take action.
Turning This Negative Thing Into A Positive Is Totally In Your Control
I was demoralized.I was sitting on my front porch, looking into my hands.I was holding a cigarette.I had just smoked a cigarette for the first time in 2 weeks.What made it worse was that I had just gotten home from the gym.I had gone 2 weeks without a cigarette, was eating healthy, was exercising, and now--this.I crushed it into the bowl with the others.Regret.Self-loathing.Anger.But it was the last one . . . anger.That was what offered me the energy to try again.I walked inside, reset my focus, and headed out for the day.I've quit smoking many times, but that time was one of the last.I've now been completely smoke-free for 4 years.It wasn't the patch--I tried that.It wasn't the gum--I tried that, too.It definitely wasn't dieting or exercise, either.It was all of this, together with the people around me, and an eagerness to convert anger into fuel.That was my first experience being relentless-- and it's paying off.After you crash and after you feel the wave of emotions that inevitably strike--remember that you have a choice.The rest is up to you.
2 Minute Action
Choose 1 of these things to accomplish, today.
- 15 Pushups
- 10 Sales Calls
- 1 Difficult conversation
- Call a parent, mentor, or role model and ask for support
You don't have to do everything, that's impossible.You just have to do something. Make it small--that part doesn't matter.Just start.