1 Sentence To Get Past Any Difficult Conversation With Honesty
You feel it but you don't want to say it.You might hurt them.You might say the wrong thing.
No matter what words you pick or what tone you use, whatever comes out of your mouth is going to be interpreted by the lens of the receiver.
You're allowed to try to get it right, but you're not allowed to belabor over the delivery.
Here's one easy sentence you can steal to precede difficult conversations:
"I care about you so much, I have to tell you this. I don't know if I'm using the right words so stick with me, I just have to make sure I am being totally honest with you because I respect you and you deserve no B.S."You can steal this and retool it for your own use, since many flavors of this work.
2 Minute Action
Pick someone in your life who needs a dosage of honesty.
- Your supervisor.
- Your direct report.
- A long-time friend.
- A salesperson you just met 2 seconds ago on the phone.
You can be honest and respectful at the same time. It's your responsibility to make sure you're both if you want to improve this planet.As always, it starts with you and it starts right now.
The Most Helpful Thing You Can Do For Someone
The best thing you can do for someone you work with, your partner, your client, your pastor, or your Uber driver isn't what you think.It's about providing honest, useful feedback.It needs to come from a place of collaboration.
When you respond with collaboration in mind, it's easier to use the right words and tone.
That all comes after the feeling.It's changing the feeling that's hard.It's easy to respond in anger or frustration.It's not the first thing that comes to mind, but it can be blunt.It's not aggressive but it is assertive.
It's up to you to be helpful to the people around you.
It's up to you to train those around you--because no one else is going to do it.If you're not being honest, respectful, and helpful . . . you're not helping.
2 Minute Action
Think about someone you're spending time with, at work, at home, who recently asked for your opinion about something.First person that comes to mind, we're going for speed.What did you tell them?What could you add, right now, in a text or an email, that would reinforce the tone of collaboration?Here's a quick sample you can steal and use, today:"Hey, was just thinking about you. In fact, I was thinking about the whole conversation we had. Having a bit more time to think, here's what's on my mind: . . . . . . Anyway, hope this helps. In the meantime, I'm really glad we're on the same team. Talk soon."
Why You Should Be As Disloyal As Possible
I stole this tip from Derek Sivers.*I've heard Sivers say "be as disloyal as possible" and to "only be loyal when disloyalty is not possible."What he's saying is that the world doesn't always have your back. Your company is going to make the best business decision it can, regardless of how many years you've worked for them.It's one of these interesting beliefs that is the opposite of how we operate in our personal lives.Many people are taught to be loyal to family, friends, and partners--and I don't know anyone who's been taught the opposite.In order to succeed in our careers, being disloyal, opportunistic, and focused on our career's impact on the greater good is the optimal route.I'm not saying you should break up with your projects or your job. I'm also not saying that you should betray, deceive, or lie.I believe in being honest, trustworthy, and transparent.I'm saying scandals, corruption, and decision-making that's not aligned with your mission should be on your radar. It's up to you to stay awake enough to detect it around you when it happens.By being disloyal at default, you're positioning yourself to reality-check the decisions of others around you without blindly following.Trust is important to build over time--but loyalty should be avoided as much as possible.
2 Minute Action
When was the last time you felt loyal to something?Chances are it already happened today.
- Maybe to your country?
- Maybe to your company?
- How about to a fraternity or a sorority?
Take 1 minute and list a few things to which you're loyal.Next, take 1 more minute and list a few things those people/organizations would have to do to lose your loyalty.If you have 5 or more things for each, that's great.If you have one or two for each, you're in danger. (*Derek Sivers is a favorite author and entrepreneur of mine. He started CDBaby.com which was the first place to buy music online. He sold his company for somewhere around 21 million dollars and then gave it all away to charity.)