Why You Shouldn’t Turn Angry People Into Your Biggest Fans

One of my super powers is turning any angry customer into a raving fan.

The only trouble is that sometimes it’s quick and sometimes it takes all day.

An important realization about this:

There’s the 5% of people who won’t be happy no matter what.Maybe it’s more, maybe it’s a little less—that’s not the point. The point is that no matter what you do, a small percentage will always complain, ask for a refund, or just won’t be soothed.There’s a name for them.

They're called haters.

Trying to make them happy is futile.

Then there’s everyone else.

They could be split up into the groups of “people who just want their money back,” or “people who just want a manager to hear them out,” or “people who are trying to game the system so they can get free stuff.”

There are a lot of people in this category and it’s up to you to decide who to spend your time on.

And that’s the lesson.Are you going to make a customer for life with your effort to transform them? Will empathizing and listening and collecting their feedback make them feel heard enough to give you a second chance?If the answer is “they’re going to be unhappy no matter what,” then it’s probably time to bail.

2 Minute Action

Whats something that’s taking up 80% of your time right now?Now is a good time to prioritize fixing that.Make a call, make a list, send an email, whatever you need to do to start fixing that.Its usually the bottom 20% of your tasks that take up 80% of the time required to complete it.

The Core Of A Win/Win Negotiation

I needed the store to stay open for another hour.The lady at the desk wasn’t having it. She needed to close the store’s doors at 6pm and that was that.

So, I asked “what would have to happen for you to stay open for another hour?”

She thought about it.I offered a few extra bucks.She declined.I offered more.

She said she wasn’t going to take my money.

I asked her again if she had a magic wand, what would she “poof” away or “poof” into existence.Was there something I could do to help her make her job easier in exchange for some extra time.She took some time to think about it.After a while she said “you know what would help? If you wrote me a review on Yelp and told my boss that I helped you out.”Boom.Deal.It wasn’t about the money.It cost me 3 seconds to write a sterling review about how she bent over backwards to help me, her customer and share with her boss.She valued recognition—not cash.With some open ended questions and empathy we were able to get to a solution that the store manager was happy with and that also let me in after hours.

2 Minute Action

Before you negotiate anything or with anyone . . .. . . it could be a used car, with a pre-teen, or the Shah of Iran . . .. . . take an extra 2 minutes to ask a few probing, open ended questions that get at the heart of the problem.Genuine empathy and effort to understand will often result in a solid win/win.

The Untaught Skill That Manifests Respect and Success

It’s one of the most critical skills to help you advance in any domain and they don’t teach it in school.It’s not Math, English, or Science.It’s not even Social Studies, Chem, or Business.It’s the skill that will help you negotiate with a boss.It’s the skill that will help you turn an angry customer into your biggest fan.It’s the skill that will help you regain control of your life when something awful happens.

It’s called Emotional Intelligence and it’s tricky.

EI is about reading others’ emotions, regulating your own emotions, and influencing the emotions of others.Since emotions are tied into the way we decide (it’s a deep rooted connection that requires some neuro-mumbo jumbo to explain), having high EI can make a huge difference.There are plenty of people with low EI but who are very “successful.” But understand that this is about being both successful and respected by others.You get to choose the kind of life you want to live.You can choose whatever you want.

2 Minute Action

Before you argue with someone today, start with understanding.Start each response with “I understand how you see it that way, and I appreciate you exposing that to me,” instead of “well lemme tell you what I was thinking about while you were talking.”Listen to understand.Don’t “listen to win.”