How To Bounce Back
You know that feeling when you realize you're not perfect?
And then you realize you're more than not perfect, you're completely useless?
And then you start to question what you're doing, who you're with, and why you're doing it?
Yeah.
It happens.
The trick isn't not having it happen.
The trick is bouncing back.
This is one of those "simple but not easy" kind of things.
How to get through it:
Have an anchor or two.
It helps if you have a list of things you believe in or core values. This will help you focus on what you know to be true about yourself in a time where uncertainty fogs your vision.
Have a mentor.
If you have 3 people in your life who you can talk to for a half-hour a month about what you're afraid of and how to develop more strength, you've won the lottery.
Have some forgiveness.
You're where you are. Seriously. Accept it. That doesn't mean you're not going where you want to go. It just means a little forgiveness will help you focus on bouncing back instead of wasting energy beating yourself up.
These are just three things that have worked for me.
I like to say "a lot of advice is people saying: 'here are the numbers I used to win the lottery,'" so these might not work the same way for you.
Let me know what you think.
2 Minute Action
- Think of one person who you admire. Call them and ask if they will be your advisor and talk with you once a month.
- Write down a few core values. They won't all be perfect or right, but you can re-evaluate every couple of months and evolve over time.
- Look at where you are and consider what it would take to accept your failures. I bet you it only takes 2 minutes to do this for the first time.
What is Imposter Syndrome And How Do I Make It Go Away?
Something I've often felt when entering a new job or a new field is the fear of being a fraud.As if I were really three golden retrievers stacked up in a trench coat and someone was going to notice.The interesting truth is that it's pretty common and it's completely unfounded.
Here's everything you need to know about Imposter Syndrome:
1 - It’s totally normal.
This is part of growing as a person, learning, and stretching your abilities.The feeling comes from not accepting your successesEver get a compliment and shrug it off as a fluke, or something that just happened without you really trying? Here’s where it comes from. The more you start to give yourself credit for your accomplishments and successes, instead of just environmental factors, the more you’ll build an immunity to this feeling.
2 - Friends and Family don’t always help
Research is finding that many of those who experience Imposter Syndrome come from families where achievement is highly valued and pressurized.
3 - Brace yourself for new endeavors
Imposter Syndrome also pops up in people who are at the start of a new venture. It’s going to be easier to handle this feeling when you can expect it, label it, and realize that it’s not going to last forever.
4 - Perfectionist? Procrastinator?
You guessed it, that doesn’t help either. This is a real challenge. Here’s one way I got over being a perfectionist:
- Realize what your goal really is
- Decide what you can really do to get there
- Make a commitment to relentless forward progress - no matter your speed.
Here are some things you can do about it:
1 - All alone?
This is no good for anyone since social relationships make such a broad impact on so many parts of our psychology. It’s no different here. Get a mentor. Actually, get 3 mentors.If you can find 3 people in your life that you can call for a half hour, once a month, and be honest and candid with you, you’re going to have a much easier time adjusting.
2 - Realize how much you actually do.
One of the things that a mentor told me when I was experiencing this for the first time was: make a list of all the things you do. Go ahead, pop open your notepad and work on it for a few days. You’ll be shocked at how long that list starts to get with all of your talents and successes.
3 - Be freaking nicer to yourself.
This is probably the most difficult challenge I’ve faced.I mean, it’s those who are never satisfied who make the biggest change and impact in the world, right?Well, maybe some of them do, but there are plenty of people who do it without this philosophy. In fact, when you think about it, never being satisfied with your progress just seems like a great way to . . . never be satisfied.Not exactly a shortcut to happiness, is it?Give yourself time, forgive yourself for imperfections, and talk to others who’ve been through tough times before. You’ll be amazed at what this will do for your psyche, your productivity, and your happiness.
2 Minute Action:
You have 2 minutes to do one of these things:
- Set up a call with a mentor
- Write down 5 good things a close friend would say about you.
- Look yourself in the mirror and say "I forgive you for not being perfect."
You've only got the rest of your life left.Let's go.
1% Vision and 99% . . . .
It's not hard work.It's not a tribe of mentors.It's not a monthly subscription to Harvard Business Review or a bank account flush with cash.It's not a Ph.D., it's not a good night's sleep, and it's definitely not the new Bowflex you just bought.You've heard that it's 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, but the amount of hours you're putting in isn't as important . . .It's alignment.Are your behaviors aligned with your vision?Is your team aligned with where you're going?You can work hard for 40 years, but if you're pointed in the wrong direction, the distance you've traveled means nothing.So have your vision and commit to the work, but don't forget to align your values and behaviors to the outcome.
2 Minute Action:
Where would you like to be in 5 years?Be specific. Car, house, job, title, salary, partner, teammates.How much do you travel? Where do you go? Who do you see? What do you say?Are you pointed in this direction? What is misaligned?What habits will you have to kick? Which ones will you have to start?Can you do it all at once? Which one is most important?Can you live with yourself for not doing it all at once?It's up to you how you get through this, but your brain has a lot of power over how you frame all of this.Remember that big, hairy, audacious goals are always made up of lots of small, actionable things."A year from now, you'll wish you had started today." - Karen LambCrush it, today.