Most People Do This And It’s Killing Them
I should have invested earlier.I should be further along on this project than I am.I should known an emergency might happen.
Have you heard yourself talk like this before?
It’s known as “shoulding all over yourself.”Unless there is a lesson you can learn and apply to the future, this kind of thinking is useless.In fact, it’s counter productive.It pulls your valuable attention away from the reality of where you are right now (and what you CAN do) and puts it on what you cannot change.There is a 0% ROI on ruminating.
It’s normal to have this thought pattern, so it’s okay.
It’s your job to catch this and make the adjustment, regulate, and choose to put your attention somewhere more useful.It’s not a light switch. Be patient. It’s one of those things that just takes a lifetime to master.Hang in there.Do your best with what you have, where you are.
2 Minute Action
Name 3 things you haven’t let go of or things you haven’t forgiven yourself for.You can also just name some things that are on your “worry list” that don’t really need to be because there’s not much you can control about them.Pick one and take 2 minutes to focus only on that and let yourself off the hook.Feels kinda good to be nice to yourself, right?This will come up again later, so be patient with yourself as you build this habit.
Can You Guess Which Of These Are In Your Control?
I didn't know there were so many advantages for a first time home-buyer.I didn't know that if I had started investing at age 18, I would have 10 times as much saved as I do now.I didn't know that I could have just asked for a raise.I didn't know that there were so many grants available for my project.I didn't know that the market wouldn't want to buy my product.I didn't know that my kids were being bullied at school.I didn't know that my employees were unhappy.I didn't know that primary elections were so important.I didn't know that my health was my choice.I didn't know that too much red meat can cause heart disease.I didn't know that I could forgive myself.I didn't know that I would be put in that situation.
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Regardless of what you know and don't know, the outcome is usually your fault.It's painful to hear, but there's no other way to look at it.Think about it this way:If you deflect ownership, you choose to live your life under someone else's control.If you choose to own each element, you are at fault more, but you give yourself the power to improve.So, until the education system improves (really, until we improve the system,) your education is your responsibility.Not everything is in your control, but your reaction to circumstance absolutely is.Ownership of the outcome, regardless of adversity, is paramount.
2 Minute Action
What's something you've been dwelling on? Ruminating on? Sulking about?What might happen if you gave yourself permission to let it go?What might happen if you gave yourself permission to think about the future?What might happen if you gave yourself permission to feel the sadness of failure and also the optimism of the future?What might happen if you did this all the time?Your productive output will not change until your patterns of thought change.
This Distinction Will Kill You or Make You Bulletproof
Let's be clear about something.Analyzing the past can be useful, but ruminating is not.Pay attention to how you felt, but when anxiety or fear overcomes your ability to act in the present--you're in big trouble.It's here in this moment that you've got a chance to realize that something's not right and that's what makes it useful.Fear should be given attention, but NO power.In fact, if you're afraid of something that's generally a good sign that you should do it.Know the distinction between analyzing and ruminating.If you don't practice distinguishing them, well, you'll end up in the same jobs, dating the same kind of person, and fearing the same things that could make you great.Start small right now.TAKE ACTIONWhat's something you've been afraid of that you can squash in less than 2 minutes?Telling your boss you need a raise?How about asking that co-worker how to actually pronounce your name?This doesn't need to be some huge undertaking. In fact: the smaller you can make this, the better.Be small, consistent, and relentless.