Read This If You Need To Start
Why do we wait to get picked?
Why does someone else have to choose us for their team?
Why can't we just start doing exactly what we want to do?
The answer is that you don't have to wait and you can start right now.
Here's a quick story as an example from my own life:
Once, when I needed a job, I found myself filling out applications.
I hunted down a good job description and eagerly wrote up a new cover letter. I sent it off, in the web-form, with my resume, to go sit in some database with all the others. I sent it along and waited.
I sent out more and more--and I waited, still.
I wondered who would pick me.
After enough time, I was frustrated and anxious. I knew that I needed to take things into my own hands.
I walked down the street to one of the companies I'd applied to. I walked in and said that I needed to talk to the HR director about the email I'd sent. This was true.
When I talked to the HR director, I asked "what is your smelliest, ugliest, most irritating problem that no one wants to solve in your company right now?"
She laughed and proceeded to tell me about a small, but important part of an upcoming project that could use some extra support.
I offered to work for free on this small project. In exchange, if things went well, she agreed that she would write me a letter of recommendation and send it out to her colleagues in the area.
You never have to wait to do something important or meaningful.
2 Minute Action
What's something you've been putting off? Call or text a friend and ask them to hold you accountable for finishing it. Give them a clear time and day when you'll be done and offer to wash their car/mow their lawn/walk their dog/whatever if you don't deliver.
It's too hard to motivate yourself to do something.
It's easier to force yourself to do what you don't want to do by changing the environment around you.
Ask This Question and Avoid A Life of Regret
Not sure whose job it is?Take the ball.Unsure how to get the work done?Take the ball.Waiting for someone to tell you to start?Take the ball.
Basically, it comes down to control and ownership.
If you decide to take ownership over something, it psychologically falls into your field of “stuff I can control.”
This is really useful for most things.
(There are some serious consequences for doing this in EVERY aspect of life, but in MOST aspects of work, this works pretty well.)When you frame something as “in your control” your approach changes. You start to see the ways in which you can make it happen.The neat thing is that even if you’re wrong and you “fail,” you’ll be left with the benefits of knowing that you didn’t leave any effort on the field. You did everything you could.No regrets.And when you only have one life to live, you really can’t afford to have many of those.The reality is that there are really very few negative outcomes to taking ownership and seeing most tasks and outcomes as within your control.
2 Minute Action:
What’s an excuse you’ve been making?What might you do if you couldn’t give that excuse anymore?What approach might you take if you had to make it happen even with your challenges?If you come up with multiple answers for this, try one of these today.The action may take more than two minutes, but what if it couldn’t?What if your life depended on it?(Because it kind of does.)
What To Do When Someone Wrongs You
Your options are:
- Roll over and suffer in silence.
- Avenge and suffer without resolving your long-term, internal pain.
- Act out and hurt proximal, innocent people instead of the perpetrator.
- Retaliate with proportionate punishment until they stop or change behavior.
- Take something valuable from them until they stop or apologize.
Most of us can eliminate responses 1 -3 as unreasonable or unethical, but the last two are a bit more tricky. They've got more gray area to investigate.
Here's what science says on punishment:
(This section and citations are written nearly verbatim from a wonderfully comprehensive wiki on Reinforcement Theory by Brian Francis Redmond at Penn State)Act swiftly: The closer the disciplinary action is to the actual offense, the more likely it is that the perpetrator will associate the punishment with the offense or unwanted behavior and not the dispenser of the punishment (Robbins, Odendaal, & Roodt, 2009).Be consistent: Punishment must be doled out consistently and also within individuals. If an employee is punished for lateness, he or she must be punished for each late occurrence thereafter. If punishments are not consistent, rules will lose impact, there may be a decline in morale, and employees may question the competence of the dispenser of the punishment. It is reasonable, however, to consider any mitigating factors in each punishment situation, such as past history and performance.Suggest alternative behaviors: It is important to clearly explain the reasons for the punishment and offer the employee alternative good behaviors. Disciplining an employee for an undesirable behavior only makes clear to him or her, what not to do. Suggesting alternatives will educate the employee on what is the preferred behavior and make it more likely that the behavior will be changed to one that is more desirable (Robbins et al., 2009).Utilize the five to one rule: According to Baumeister, Bratslavsky, Finkenauer and Vohs (2001), because bad interactions are more powerful emotionally than good interactions, it is important to balance the good and bad by more frequently using positive reinforcement rather than punishment. A good ratio is five enjoyable interactions to one disagreeable interaction (Baumeister et al., 2001).Punish in private and praise in public: Private punishment is more likely to be seen as constructive, and public punishment is more likely to cause embarrassment and negative effects if done in front of one's peers (Hellriegel & Slocum Jr., 2007).Punish and Reward. Desirable behaviors should be rewarded and undesirable behaviors should be punished (Redmond, 2010).
2 Min Action
How do you manage bullies or abrasive people?What tactics do you use? How will you use this new information to act differently with your family, friends, and colleagues?How will you take this and implement it in your social life and work place?Would love to hear your victories, laments, and struggles with this.