7/10/17 7/10/17

This time, it's not business, it's personal . . .

If we cared more about other people's business, we'd do better in our own business.

Let me explain.

If it's truly just business and not personal, it's easier to excuse ourselves from the emotional labor otherwise required.

If it's truly just transactional (trading dollars for a service) then it's easier to view people as profit centers, dollar values, and less like people at all.

So wait . . . how does caring help?

By treating humans like humans, we create the one thing that actually matters at the end of our lives; relationships.

By prioritizing our relationships, we build trust with others. We build a community. We build a network of people who believe in us, who will support us, and who just might even follow us into the unknown.

But if all we care about is the transaction right now, we, by default, begin to erode our future with them. The more they feel like a transaction, the less they trust us to look out for them.

The less they trust us, the more likely they will hide information and act in their own self-interest. And can you blame them?

We've just positioned our business' values against their values. We're no longer aligned. Of course there will be friction!

If we spend our lives truly looking out for the best interest in others, it's more likely that others will have our backs, too.

And isn't that the kind of world we want to live in? One where we've all got each others' backs?

Too bad we don't measure reciprocation on the axis of dollars.

2 Minute Action

Who is someone important to you that you haven't talk to in a while? Take 2 minutes to record a selfie-video or write a quick text to let them know you're thinking of them.

It might only take you 2 minutes, but it will mean the world to them.

6/12/17 6/12/17

Why Your Life Doesn't Look Successful

I recently noticed that many of my friends and family are making more money than me, taking vacations to exotic places, having babies, buying houses, and starting families.

I'm 29 and most of my Facebook Newsfeed is 3 things:

People getting married

People having a baby

People getting a dog

After a few years of watching the social media filtered highlights of their lives, I've realized the big reason my life and career doesn't look the same.

I don't want the same things they want.

I want, so desperately, to live a meaningful life.

I call this the Death Bed Principle.

The idea is simple. What kind of life will I look back on from my death bed? What will I need to do to feel like I spent my time and energy in worthwhile, useful way?

My goal is to avoid the most common regrets dying folks have:

"I wish I had lived my own life instead of the life others' prescribed," and "I wish I hadn't worked so much."

Please read Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware for more context and depth into her striking discoveries.

One of the ways I've started implementing the Death Bed Principle into my life is by counting the estimated weeks I've got left.

Take the average lifespan for a person my sex and nationality (roughly 80 years), convert that into weeks, subtract the number of weeks I've had, and voila.

As of today, I've got a little over 2,000 weeks left.

Looking death square in the face is scary, but I don't want to be scared of dying. I want to be at peace with my life and how I spent my time.

If I look back at my journey and all I see is 40 hours a week spent at a job I didn't really love, working for a cause that didn't really help the world, I'll be full of regret.

If I look back and I see my entire life lived in self-indulgence, knowing I could have done more to help others, I'll be full of regret.

If I look back and I see my hard work to make the world a better place, regardless of the challenges I overcame and the failures I had, I'll be proud of my journey and I'll leave a legacy of courage and honor for my family.

Success will look very different for you than it will for others who can only see the next vacation they're planning.

If you're working hard just so you don't have to work anymore, you're at extreme risk for regret.

2 MINUTE ACTION

Take 2 minutes to calculate how much time you've got left.

Use the Death Bed Principle to write down a list of what a successful life would look like from your last week.

Write down what the Facebook Newsfeed of a "successful" person might look like.

Defining success will massively increase your odds of getting there.

If you're looking to join others who share your definition of success, take this 2 minutes to join the Relentless Community on Facebook and share your values and ideals.

We're all on team human. Sometimes it helps to be reminded of that by like-minded, motivated souls.

6/5/17 6/5/17

How Your Biggest Excuses Can Help You

When you think about it, the reasons we tell ourselves we won't succeed are pretty ridiculous.

The trouble is that we don't feel that way when we're making them.

If only we could remember how silly our excuses sounded in the moment we made them, perhaps we wouldn't feel so crippled.

Well, the good news is that we can.

You can start right now--by writing down your most common excuses.

It's super useful to have a view into the past or the future as we put ourselves in front of new challenges and face the voice of "the critic" inside our heads.

Here's a pretty comprehensive list of fears from the book "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert. FYI: I've ripped this list, nearly verbatim, from her book.

Disclaimer: I strongly dislike the idea of "magical thinking." I'm a ex-neuroscientist, after all. But this list is damn useful.

You’re afraid you have no talent
You’re afraid you’ll be rejected or criticized or ridiculed or misunderstood or—worst of all—ignored.
You’re afraid there’s no market for your creativity, and therefore no point in pursuing it.
You’re afraid somebody else already did it better.
You’re afraid everybody else already did it better.
You’re afraid somebody will steal your ideas, so it’s safer to keep them hidden forever in the dark.
You’re afraid you won’t be taken seriously.
You’re afraid your work isn’t politically, emotionally, or artistically important enough to change anyone’s life.
You’re afraid your dreams are embarrassing.
You’re afraid that someday you’ll look back on your creative endeavors as having been a giant waste of time, effort, and money.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of discipline.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of work space, or financial freedom, or empty hours in which to focus on invention or exploration.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of training or degree.
You’re afraid you’re too fat. (I don’t know what this has to do with creativity, exactly, but experience has taught me that most of us are afraid we’re too fat, so let’s just put that on the anxiety list, for good measure.)
You’re afraid of being exposed as a hack, or a fool, or a dilettante, or a narcissist.
You’re afraid of upsetting your family with what you may reveal.
You’re afraid of what your peers and coworkers will say if you express your personal truth aloud.
You’re afraid of unleashing your innermost demons, and you really don’t want to encounter your innermost demons.
You’re afraid your best work is behind you.
You’re afraid you never had any best work to begin with.
You’re afraid you neglected your creativity for so long that now you can never get it back.
You’re afraid you’re too old to start.
You’re afraid you’re too young to start.
You’re afraid because something went well in your life once, so obviously nothing can ever go well again.
You’re afraid because nothing has ever gone well in your life, so why bother trying?
You’re afraid of being a one-hit wonder.
You’re afraid of being a no-hit wonder”

This is just one person's list. I've got my own.

The other side of making excuses (the reasons we convince ourselves to not do something) is motivation (the reasons we do them anyway).

Here's a list that Seth Godin wrote in a recent blog post that outlines some common motivations (good and bad):

Avoidance of shame (do this work or you'll be seen as a fraud/loser/outcast)
Big dreams (because you can see it/feel it/taste it)
Catastrophe (or the world as we know it will end)
Competition (someone is gaining on you)
Compliance (the boss/contract says I have to, and even better, there's a deadline)
Connection (because others will join in)
Creative itch (the voice inside of you wants to be expressed)
Dissatisfaction (because it's not good enough as it is)
Engineer (because there's a problem to be solved)
Fame (imagining life is better on the other side)
Generosity (because it's a chance to contribute)
It's a living (pay the writer)
Peer pressure (the reunion is coming up)
Possibility (because we can, and it'll be neat to see how it works in the world)
Professionalism (because it's what we do)
Revenge (you'll show the naysayers)
Selection (to get in, win the prize, be chosen)
Unhappiness (because the only glimmer of happiness comes from the next win, after all, we're not good enough as is)

Seth also points out:

"They all work. Some of them leave you wrecked, some create an environment of possibility and connection and joy. Up to you."

2 MINUTE ACTION

What's an excuse that you use all the time? What's a motivation that's fueled you in the past?

Take no more than 2 minutes to write these down.

Keep these close to you, because understanding where they came from might make or break you.