The Untaught Skill That Manifests Respect and Success

It’s one of the most critical skills to help you advance in any domain and they don’t teach it in school.It’s not Math, English, or Science.It’s not even Social Studies, Chem, or Business.It’s the skill that will help you negotiate with a boss.It’s the skill that will help you turn an angry customer into your biggest fan.It’s the skill that will help you regain control of your life when something awful happens.

It’s called Emotional Intelligence and it’s tricky.

EI is about reading others’ emotions, regulating your own emotions, and influencing the emotions of others.Since emotions are tied into the way we decide (it’s a deep rooted connection that requires some neuro-mumbo jumbo to explain), having high EI can make a huge difference.There are plenty of people with low EI but who are very “successful.” But understand that this is about being both successful and respected by others.You get to choose the kind of life you want to live.You can choose whatever you want.

2 Minute Action

Before you argue with someone today, start with understanding.Start each response with “I understand how you see it that way, and I appreciate you exposing that to me,” instead of “well lemme tell you what I was thinking about while you were talking.”Listen to understand.Don’t “listen to win.”

How Rejecting Someone Can Help

“I’m sorry, we’re not for you.”

This seems a little ridiculous for a business to say to a customer but let’s back up a little and understand where it came from.

When Southwest Airlines started out, they decided that they were going to make flying accessible. This was a real challenge considering that the margins in the airline industry were already scarily thin.

In order to pull it off, they’d have to streamline operations so they could reduce cost and pass that savings to the customer.

This doesn’t mean slashing features, it means focusing on the features that matter and cutting everything else.

So how do you decide?

Southwest cut features that didn’t focus on their core philosophy of putting people first.

• They don’t offer meals for purchase on flights but instead offer free snacks and free checked bags.
• They use one type of airplane, which makes service and maintenance and processes more efficient and cost-effective.
• They only offer coach seating, which makes boarding and un-boarding the planes faster and easier to turn around at the gate. Southwest could turnaround 2 out of 3 planes in 15 minutes when the industry average was 55 minutes.
• They offered only the most convenient flight times at high frequency.
• When they hire flight attendants, they ask them to speak in front of the other candidates—but the hiring team isn’t listening to the speech, they’re watching the other candidates listen, encourage and engage with someone who in the hot seat.

So how does all this focus and award-winning customer service lead to the CEO of the company telling a customer that she should find another airline?

The customer had been saying: “your fares are great but I would like you if you had first class seating and if you flew to more airports, and if you offered meals.”

Since the fares were low because of the focus on the essentials, it was an easy explanation—but this customer wasn’t having it.

This customer wanted all of the non-essentials offered by other airlines but at the Southwest price. Just like many customers, who really just want a product designed specifically for them and all for free. This is normal, but it's your responsibility to call it out and stick to your mission.

Herb Kelleher said, “I’m sorry, Miss, we’re just not for you.”

Today, Southwest carries more customer than any airline and they have a sterling reputation among their customers.

The moral of the story is that being all-in on your mission and purpose means being focused on the essentials and cutting out the distractions that seem like necessities—even if some people disagree.

2 Minute Action

What are you focused on?

What are the essentials of your life and work?

Family? A few friends? Your career?

Take this time to look at how you spent the last 4 weeks of your free time and you will see what your priorities are.

How many hours did you watch TV? How much of that time was spent on Instagram?

How much of that time was spent figuring out how you’re going to backpack Europe? How much of that time was spent figuring out how to buy that commercial real estate property?

Do a quick, 2 minute time audit and decide on a non-essential to cut from your life so you can focus.

The Secret This World-Class Drummer Used To Be The Best Without Doing More Work

Steve Smith was the drummer for Journey.

He had been a drummer for most of his life and many people held the opinion that he was one of the best in the world.

Smith has been on the front page of Modern Drummer Magazine and DRUM! Magazine, he has been listed in Rolling Stone’s Top 100 Drummers of all time and is currently enlisted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Smith was a great drummer because of his commitment to improvement and his self-discipline in practice.

Smith was so committed that he took 3 years off.

Sounds weird, right?

Well, he took 3 years off from touring and instead studied with a drum guru—far away from his bands.

When he came back, his bandmates were very excited to hear him play all the new stuff he’d learned.

Smith knew something they didn’t.

When they played again, for the first time in 3 years, his bandmates were blown away--but not for the reason you're thinking . . .

“Steve, you don’t sound ANY different! You sound EXACTLY THE SAME! What the heck did you do up there?”

Smith simply replied:

“That’s exactly what I hoped you’d say. I know I sound exactly the same, but I’m doing a third of the work.”

This story encapsulates the core principle of productivity: working smarter and not harder.

Please, stop believing that you have to drum harder to sound better.

You don’t.

You don't need to work a million hours, cut valuable hours of sleep, de-prioritize your family, etc. etc. etc.

By focusing on the essentials, you give your brain and body space to improve and be happy.

You can, with deliberate practice and focus, work on the things that will yield the highest output for the lowest cost.Master the essentials--because the rest is just noise.

2 Minute Action

Take 2 minutes to cut one or two things from your list today.

You can cut a task. You can cut a project. You can cut a person. You can cut anything you want, so long as it’s non-essential.

You only have the rest of your life.

There is no time for the non-essential in any dimension.

Please, reply here and let me know what you're planning to cut out from your life.