The Important Difference Between Aggressive and Assertive
Stop being a doormat. Stop offending others. Stick up for yourself without harming others. Learn the important difference between aggressive and assertive.
There’s a weird line between aggression and assertiveness that some folks have difficulty negotiating.
People who conflate the two tend to be either way less assertive or way more aggressive. Neither of these is any good for you or the people around you.
Let’s use an example.
When a client asks you to make more edits on your project:
The Non-Assertive: “Yes.”
The Assertive: “Yes, I can do that extra work for $xx.xx”
The Aggressive: “No, and don’t reach out to me again.”
The Passive-Aggressive: “I don’t have to do this on other projects.”
Here are some commonly held
Where do you fall?
If you’re not sure, it may help yo use this reference guide from the Assertiveness Handbook. You can download this to your computer or GDrive from this link.
The Punchline:
The Assertive style defends your rights without overstepping others’.
This successfully helps you treat people with respect while also treating yourself with respect.
2 Minute Action You Can Take Right Now
Here are 2 ways you can spend 2 minutes improving:
Read the Handbook for 2 minutes.
Reply or comment here to let me know where you think you are in the battle.
Pro Tips:
I revisit this document several times a year.
If you are like me, you may need to read it a few times to really internalize it. I recommend setting iOS or Google Calendar reminders to do so. You’re more likely to take action if you have outlined a time and a place to do it.
Once you’ve got the basics down, it’s a great reference document when you find yourself in unfamiliar situations.
I hope this benefits you as much as it’s benefitted me.
For more tools and resources like this, you can check out the Resources page to see the personal VAULT of resources I’ve been putting together for over 10 years.
Please consider thinking of someone else who needs to read this and sharing this resource with them. The more we lift each other up, the further we will go together.
Linear Growth vs. Exponential Growth
Evaluating linear growth vs. exponential growth sounds straightforward, right? They look so different, how could we mix them up? Look at these graphs and let's break this down so you can identify what trajectory you're on.
Small sprouting plant in pot of coins shows difference between linear growth vs. exponential growth. Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash
Evaluating linear growth vs. exponential growth sounds straightforward, right?
How could they possibly be similar? They look so different on a graph!
Let me show you how, because it seems like everyone wants exponential growth in pretty much every category.
Fitness. Finance. Productivity. You name it.
And if we just listened to all the advice on the internet, we'd all be billionaires with 6-pack abs, right?
Photo by
on
Here's the tricky thing:
Exponential growth looks a lot like linear growth at first.
In fact, they look the same for a while--but they're completely different.
If you've ever tried to lose weight, build your investment portfolio, or learn an instrument you may have experienced this long linear line as a plateau.
But do you remember when you started to finally see results in the mirror? Remember that feeling when you actually could play the first line of Beethoven's 9th without messing up and it felt good?
That's the moment you started seeing the separation from the linear growth path and the exponential growth path.
We experience these moments as "breakthroughs."
Here's a quick/dirty graph to explain what I mean:
Just keep this in mind as you move toward your goals. Most effort compounds.
If you're learning to "walk the dog" with a yo-yo, that early stage is probably about 45 minutes.
It's not that long, but for 45 minutes you're banging your elbow, whacking your head, and considering quitting because you're not seeing the improvement you want.
You're experiencing linear growth vs. exponential growth--or so your brain thinks!
If you're learning to play the guitar, it's more like 2 years, not 45 minutes.
Different skills and goals will have different curves with different timelines.
So, how do we find that breakthrough moment and get the huge dopamine rush that comes with it?
We need to . . .
Measure our progress
Set expectations
Adapt when things aren't working.
How will you measure your improvement? Are you logging pushups in a fitness journal?
How will you set expectations? What is a typical amount of time someone needs to lose 15 lbs. at your age with your health conditions?
How will you adapt what you're doing when it's not going to plan? Do you know someone who's done it before with success? Can you call a friend to brainstorm some ways to shake things up and try something new?
If you're serious, you'll measure your progress.
If you're serious, you'll be patient with yourself.
2 Minute Action
When was the last time you quit?
How do you know if it was a good quit or a premature quit?
One way to tell is by when you quit. Was it before you started or when it got hard?
If you quit in the "Early Stage," you might want to try again or look honestly at what happened.
I bet it will take you 2 minutes or less to assess this and try again.
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You're Going to Die And That's Great News
Right this second, I've estimated I've got about 2,876 weeks left in my lifetime.
The truth is that you’re going to die and that’s great news. Let me explain a bit about why this is great news and then I’ll break down how I got to this number.
Whether I'm right or wrong, that's the number I'm looking at. I have 2,876 weeks left to make an impact. I have 2,876 weeks left to do something meaningful. I have 2,876 weeks left to live. I update this number in my journal every time I write.
Why?
I don't want to negotiate with regret when I'm on my deathbed, looking back at the journey I took. I don't want to second guess myself, wish I'd taken more chances, or say "if only." I want to look the end of my life straight in the face and say: "I spent my energy wisely. I did everything I could. I left nothing on the field. I'm spent. I made the world a measurably better place. I know I did because I can see the evidence in front of me."
It’s created urgency, which is something that motivates people to take action.
I urge you to make your own estimate and look your Death Bed Timer right in the face.
It will help you reprioritize things in your life.
Don't we all want this?
Then why isn't anyone training for it? This is called being deliberate. I know I'm afraid of death. So the only way to alleviate my fear is to stare down death every day until it's as common as a sneeze.
No one has ever said, "man, I'm really glad I played it safe."
No one has ever said, "I’m really glad I gave up my dream to work on someone else’s dream.”
So, assuming all goes well and you live a full-length life, what will you say at the end?
2 Minute Action:
Do a quick estimate.
Subtract your current age.
Subtract any additional health predispositions.
Write this number down every day/week/month.
Look at it. Don't back down. It's one critical key to avoiding regret and living the life you actually want to live. Funny, how death can really jolt the life into us . . .
These 2 minutes could absolutely change your life.